Resolutions and Passions....

So...here we are...one year down and beginning a new one. Every year I make resolutions...you know the drill- be a better person, a better wife, a better mother, a better christian, read the bible more, cook more nutrious meals, keep the house better, lose some weight, exercise more, do more than be 'queen of good intentions', be a better friend, drive slower, learn calligraphy....on an on I could go...but, every year those resolutions are blown to smithereens (is that a word?) fact is, I should start TODAY on those resolutions instead of waiting till January 1. If I can't start today, then why try at all? If I really face the truth, it would be that I need to start those TODAY, then tomorrow start all over again, and the day after that, and the day after that...so, I guess I know what is on my agenda tomorrow...all those resolutions! Then on the next day, the same agenda- those same resolutions....maybe one day I will get it right!

Over Christmas, we were at my mother-in-law's house and my sister-in-law had a video of her work Christmas party. Whoever made this video is a genius! It was so funny! It started off with the owner and management looking like dancing elves! SO cute and funny! As the video went on, it interviewed all of the workers...they had to state their name, occupation at this company and then tell what their passion in life was. Very interesting...some were funny, others cute, lots were devoted to their families...made me think to myself, "Mmmmm, what are MY passions??" First and foremost is that I am passionate about God and am so glad that I have a personal relationship with him. My husband and my children are what I am most passionate about after God. Somehow, I managed to marry the most wonderful guy in the world....guess you could call us 'college' sweethearts (?) maybe(?)...we met and started dating while he was at one college and I was at beauty college....does that qualify for college sweethearts?? My children are definitely a passion of mine! Wow...it took many prayers, tears, money, and more prayers for this family to be...I am so fortunate and thankful to be these children's mother...what a privilege it is. These guys and my big guy are my life. I thank God everyday for this family of mine. That is what I would have to say my passion is....my family....uh, oh and shoes! Gotta love shoes! My daughter says I have a sickness...shoe-a-holic! Yep...that is me! Hello, my name is Gina....and I love me some shoes!

huff and puff....

So...I am looking around and wondering...."why in the world did I put up so many Christmas decorations?" Actually, truth is, I LOVE putting the decorations up....it is the taking them down that I dislike. Usually I start with putting the trees up...there are two of them....and each time I go out into the garage for 'tree' things, I FIND more items to put out for Christmas, or I discover long lost Christmas ornaments and such....I tend to get carried away with the decor. So, from Thanksgiving to Christmas I add and add and add. We went to a marvelous Inn during these holidays and I fell in love with a light up candle....my sweet husband bought it for me....but, did I need it? NO...actually, while I was standing there admiring the candle in the store, I was thinking of where in the world would I put it....so, this was added to my Christmas decor (I found a place to put it!). My oldest daughter was fussing about how much Christmas stuff I had....and I do....but...in my own defense, I really, REALLY enjoy decorating for Christmas....but, I DO NOT like taking the decorations down.....
so, here I sit, thinking of the decorations that must/should come down tomorrow.....sigh.
I guess what I really don't like is that I build myself up for Christmas....all the baking (the house smells so good), the preparing, gift wrapping, blasting Christmas music....and singing to the top of my lungs-even though I can't carry a tune-even in a bucket! Once the ornaments and decorations come down, all that usually stops....why? why is it that we quit the Christmas spirit after the presents are opened, the paper thrown away, the cookies eaten?? I guess it is safe to say that it is a let down after Christmas....that is the part I don't like.....
Maybe tomorrow (if I get around to it) when I am taking the second tree down and packing away the decorations, I should blast some music on the radio and sing to the top of my lungs....I will let you know if we have any dogs that start howling!

So, this is Christmas

Here I sit waiting so anxiously on Santa!! Actually, I sit here about to embark on my second cup of coffee and the house is very quiet...except for 'Good Morning America' that is on tv. The kids and the Papa Bear are all still asleep.
Times of the day like this is when I like to reflect on yesterday and look forward to today. On this day, I am so thankful for my wonderful family. There use to be a day that I couldn't even imagine my house filled with such business and noise...I wanted it to be, I desperately wanted children, LOTs of children...but it just didn't happen. Now, my home is very busy and always noisy!
Today I am so thankful as I look around. My home is beautiful (to me), decorated for Christmas, presents under the tree. My children are healthy, and snug right now in their bed...well, actually we have one in our bed, and one on the floor of our bedroom...the rest are snug in their bed. We have a fridge full of good food. I spent the weekend with my brother and his family. Yesterday was spent with good friends at the farm...doing what we do best: EATING!!
I look around and see just how blessed I am....I am thankful, too for the lessons that God is teaching me....some are hard, but are needed....others are sweet.
So, This Christmas I will be with the ones who love me and whom I love. I plan to pour all of my energies and love into those people. I want my husband and children to know that Mama Bear loves them with all her might!! Here's hoping that you and yours have a most Wonderful, Merry Christmas!!

kitchen tired-ness

Whew...I am SO tired of being in the kitchen...this is about the 3rd day straight that I have been in the kitchen for pretty much the majority of the day....who was the rocket scientist that decided there must be fudge, chocolate peanut butter balls, cheese straws, sugar cookies, oreo balls, sausage balls as well as other confections for Christmas?? oh yeah, that could be me... Now, don't get me wrong...I love all this sugar laden food....I did say "I"...but my backside is another story. It does not love all this sugar as much as I do!!
My brother is coming in tomorrow for Christmas....along with my sister-in-law, two neices and my nephew...so, I have been cooking, and cooking and cooking....so, it is safe to say....I AM TIRED OF COOKING NOW!!!! Well, at least after I make that big pot of vegetable soup tomorrow and several different kinds of bread...I will be done...well, till...uh, Monday. Then it starts all over again! We have our annual what-ever-you-want-to-call-it-we-invite-all-our-friends-to-the-farm-to-eat event! The 'guys' (which is primarily my husband and his dad) start up the huge smoker before sunrise on Tuesday morning...us women folk (primarily me, and me, and uh, my sister-in-law) will cook the side dishes to go with the humongous amount of meat that will be on the smoker. I guess I really shouldn't complain...it could be worse...at least my cooking is good enough to get request for certain dishes instead of being told "please don't bring anything"!! Usually after this event, there isn't a lot of food left over...
I do enjoy cooking...I do enjoy people enjoying my food....but, right now, I am really tired of chocolate peanut butter balls! Of course, that might have something to do with the hundred-trillion that I have ingested.....
I remember going to my grandmother's house as a kid and spending the night. I remember eating and eating and eating (food was always better at grandmothers) till I was just so sick!
Yeah, been-there-done-that...again! Excuse me while I go and find the tums or pepto bismal!
Hello...my name is Gina....and I am a chocolate peanut butter ball addict!

Yummy Sugar Cookies

Who doesn't like fresh baked cookies? So...I was telling friends yesterday that after the new year, I am going to clean up our diets....you know the drill...eat more healthy...blah, blah, blah....well, until then....I am going to eat SUGAR COOKIES! YUM.

Here is a good recipe that I follow...it comes from on old cookbook one of my grandmothers gave me years ago....

2 cups sugar 1 tsp vanilla

2 eggs 3 cups self-rising flour

3/4 cup margarine

*Mix all ingredients well. May add nuts or chocolate morsels. Drop by teaspoon on greased cookie sheet. Bake 8-10 minutes at 350*

You say you don't have self-rising flour??? Ok, I don't buy that either...just make it:

This came from the "Not Just Beans cookbook" <--which is one of my favorites!!

4 cups flour 2 TBSP double acting baking powder

2 tsp salt

*Mix well and store in airtight container.

I think that this is probably what my children and I will do today....BAKE. I love to bake. I love to cook. I find joy in it....I find joy in other people enjoying the food that I have prepared. I imagine that I have somehow learned this from one of my grandmothers...who could cook everything, bake scrumptious cakes, cookies and other confections....and could sew anything! Thank you Maw Maw Drake for my joy of baking/cooking!

Yummmy Sugar Cookies

Sick....

Don't you just hate being sick? Somebody should have told me that Mama can't be sick....I mean, there is still laundry to do, food to prepare, children that need baths, Christmas things galore that need to be done.
However, I am thankful for Mucinex! You know the kind you have to ask the pharmacist for, then you have to sign for it....it really works....I have been awake since midnight! WOW....no sleeping here....but, the mucinex is drying me right up...which is good, I have a super busy week coming. I am blessed too, to have such a wonderful husband....he did let me lie down yesterday evening (after running all over town getting Christmas things done) He did supper- steaks on the grill and baked potatoes...which were yummy.
Just as everyone went to bed....there I was, wide awake! Thoughts of what I could do ran through my mind....but most were noisy activities, such as vacuuming and sewing...couldn't wake the whole house, so I watched some t.v., did some computering, ate, meditated....
This next week is going to be crazy for us...isn't the week before Christmas ALWAYS busy for everyone?? We will be wrapping up school, having some homeschool friends over for lunch, the girls have been invited to a 'build a bear' workshop (my youngest is SO excited!), wrapping gifts, making a TON of cookies! ~and getting ready for cousins to come to town... I am expecting to have lots of fun with my children this week. I like to think that we are building memories.
When my children are grown, I hope that they will have stories to tell their children about their childhood and the things that we did, just as I am always telling my children stories of my childhood with my grandparents that raised me.
SO, I plan to be busy today....just took the mucinex....hopefully, I took it early enough in the day that it won't prevent me from sleeping tonight, like last night. Being sick around Christmas is the pits....

Christmas songs....

Mary, did you know?
Mary, did you know that your baby boy will one day walk on water?
Did you know that your baby boy will save our sons and daughters?
Did you know that your baby boy has come to make you new?
This child that you've delivered, will soon deliver you.
Mary, did you know that your baby boy will give sight to a blind man?
Did you know that your baby boy will calm a storm with his hand?
Did you know that your baby boy has walked where angels trod?
And when you kiss your little boy, you've kissed the face of God.
Mary, did you know?
The blind will see. The deaf will hear, and the dead will live again. The lame will leap. The dumb will speak the praises of the lamb.
Mary, did you know that your baby boy is Lord of all creation?
Did you know that your baby boy will one day rules the nations?
Did you know that your baby boy is heaven's perfect lamb?
This sleeping child you're holding
Is the great I am.

Ooh...Ahhhhh...wow....

Look at this! It is a Gingerbread house!!! Yesterday the family took a field trip to Asheville, NC...a place called "The Grove Park Inn"...all I can say is WOW. First off, the Grove Park Inn is a fabulous Inn...the original was built in 1913 out of stone...I am kicking myself now for not taking pictures of it! It is beautiful!

Above is a scene outside one of the magnificent hallways...absolutely beautiful! We went to veiw the gingerbread houses that were in competition....how in the world the judges could pick a winner is beyond me! The were so beautiful and made us oohhh and ahhh over them. The victorian house one didn't even look real...looked like a girl's doll house. The craftmanship of them was extrodinary!

This inn was absolutely breathtaking!! I commented on how we should come back and spend the night there...my hubby was all for that...that was until we got info on the rates...uh, naw....think we will just make a day trip of it and leave it at that!! The many Christmas trees there were gorgeous...I did manage to get a few family pictures in front of them...after telling my sons to not give anyone bunny ears or make goofy faces....you know the drill.

It was a wonderful day...but I think we may end up paying for it...I feel like I am coming down with something and have one son who doesn't feel well today....

oh, well, this time of year...sickness isn't new to us!

Anyway, hope you enjoy the pictures of the beautiful gingerbread houses...these pictures really doesn't do them justice at all! If you are close to the NC mountains, you must take a trip to the Grove Park Inn...to view the gingerbread houses is free and worth the trip. They all are on display till Dec 19...then the winners and a few others will make their way to NYC to be featured on "Good Morning America"...others will be on display till Jan 5th (I think)...anyway, go see them! It was a great day!!

On this day....

December 7, 1985....I married my prince charming. He was tall and handsome....I was just a girl....well, he was a young man....he was 23 and I was 19.
I wanted a Christmas wedding for many reasons....it didn't require a lot of decorating because the church was already decorated for Christmas....and, I loved how the church looked decorated for Christmas. The wedding was at 7 p.m. and very beautiful....the beginning of our life.....
and you know how you have everything planned out for your life...yeah, I had that plan....I am a planner. I need a plan A, plan B and then a back up plan C....someone should have told me that it didn't work that way. Actually, if I were to be honest, someone probably did tell me and being 19 and knowing everything, I probably didn't listen!
So, today is our 23rd wedding anniversary. Would I do it again? YES...in a heart beat!! My 'Papa Bear' is the kindest, smartest, sweetest guy I know. He is fantastic husband....he works so hard for our family and provides for us very well...and never complains about it. He is a great father...very hands on. He changed baby poopy diapers, helped feed the babies, rocked the babies...he did it all. I have to smile now when my kids jump on him to wrestle....when my boys want to know 'where is dad', or 'when is dad gonna be home'....our children adore him. I love to hear our teenager...she calls him 'daddy'...and that is what he is.
I had our life planned to a 'T'...and God must have laughed at me during my planning process....and some of the plans happened, some of them didn't...most did not.
My husband has taught me a lot. When we married, I was type A personality, and he was type B...he taught me that most things we worry about never come to pass anyway. To not worry about things we have no control over. Let God handle it.
Now, I say that I would marry him all over again, but was it all a bed of roses.....NO...but we made it...well, so far we have made it. There are times when I feel very, very old....and there are other times when I feel like we are both still teenagers....just without the mullet(him) and the big teased hair (me)!
They say that the best gift you can give your children is for them to know that their parents love each other....and I do...I love their father with all of my heart.
So....Happy Anniversary Papa Bear....I would marry you all over again! in a heart beat!

Gingerbread Men

This is what we did today....home economics....we made Gingerbread men! YUM....Here is the recipe I pulled from Allrecipes....it makes A LOT! It is worth the time...they are really good!!

6 cups all purpose flour 1 cup molasses
1 TBSP baking powder 1 cup brown sugar
1 TBSP ginger 1/2 cup water
1 tsp nutmeg 1 egg
1 tsp cloves 1 tsp vanilla extract
1 tsp cinnamon
1 cup shortening, melted and cooled slightly
*Sift together flour, baking powder, ginger, nutmeg, cloves, and cinnamon; set aside.
In medium bowl, mix shortening, molasses, brown sugar, water, egg, and vanilla till smooth.
Gradually add dry ingredients till all is absorbed. Divide dough into 3 parts; pat down to 1 1/2 inch thickness, wrap in plastic wrap and refrigerate for 3 hours.
Preheat oven to 350*. On lightly floured surface, roll dough to 1/4 inch thickness and cut with gingerbread man cookie cutter. Place cookies about an inch apart on ungreased cookie sheet.
Bake 10-12 minutes. When cookies are done, remove to wire rack and let cool; once cooled you can ice with icing of your choice....I used buttercream icing.
WARNING: COOKIES ARE DELICIOUS!!
#1 rule at our house: if a cookie breaks...you must eat it!! Needless to say...we broke a lot of cookies today...Mmmmm, wonder if that was on accident or purpose??? I'll never tell!!! ; )

So....what makes a person?

what makes a person? Recently, my family went back to the church that my husband and I were married in to witness a baby baptisim. The minister said something in the message that I found odd....the minister was talking about hard economic times and how when a person loses their job, they lose their idenity.....hmmmmmm......got me to wondering........IS that what makes a person who they are? Their job defines who they are?
So, a waitress is 'just' a waitress? a cop, is just a cop....a banker is just a banker? What about us ladies who are stay at home moms? or stay at home wives? What about the people who are retired? What does that make them??
I must say that this has been the topic of my conversations lately with my beloved and my best friend....and we all agree....NO....a job should not define who you are...a job is just that...a job...something you DO....but it certainly isn't WHO you are.....or at least not me.....I am a proud to Stay-at-home mom, I am also a homeschooling mom, a wife, a sister, an aunt, a daughter, a daughter-in-law, a niece, a 'retired' hairdresser, a wanna be "Paula Deen" cooker, a crafter, now a blogger!, a Christmas lover!, a dog owner, a child of God, ...the list is endless....
Now my job...you know, that 'thing' I do....let me tell you:
My sweetie's Mama Bear, hugger to my children, cook for my family, wash clothes, dry clothes, fold clothes, put clothes away, shop for our food, pinch pennies, drive children to activities, fixer of 'boo-boos', thermostat controller, Christmas tree putter upper, pop corn popper, floor mopper, vacuumer, duster of the dust bunnies, algebra helper, english corrector, kindergarten sing-a-longer, good night kisser, help teenager with her hair, football mom, cheerleader mom, baseball mom, piano listener, gardener, canner of summer goodies, salsa maker, chocolate chip cookie maker....on and on the list goes of the 'things' I DO....so, who am I? What makes me? A job? Something I do? NO. I am a Child of Jesus Christ....simple. Just a woman, who loves God, loves her husband and children... just a Mama Bear......what makes you?

A little of our Christmas

So, here is some of our Christmas...tree above is my children's tree...it stands in our family room. When we added the family room onto our house, I really wanted the kids to have a tree of their own...one that had all homemade ornaments that would spark memories years from now....and with the exception of a few Christmas balls, all ornaments on this tree are handmade by the kids. Each year, the children make an ornament for this tree. When they were decorating it...yes, they did it all by themselves!, they would make remarks about remembering making this or that...and how young they looked in that picture!

Our living room is seeing a new Christmas tree this year...a white one. I really like it, and have never had a white tree before. It is very bright! I had to retire our old "monster" tree that use to stand in the living room. It was a huge pre-lit tree...and while it was new and ALL the lights were working, was very pretty....but, now half the lights are dead...I just could not wrestle that tree anymore...each year it left me battered and bruised! It was time for retirement!

See the pickle in the tree? It is an old German tradition for the pickle to be hidden among the Christmas tree branches....and the child that finds the pickle gets an extra goody for Christmas.

Our children have always done this tradition and yesterday was our official 'find the pickle day'. Everyone got a turn. Everyone got a goody. Everyone was happy! ;)

See my toy soldiers? I found those at a yard sale for $3!! My oldest daughter was given the job to repaint them...didn't she do a great job?!

The stocking by the mantle are my favorites....I love to just sit and look at them. At one time, that mantle was very lonely...only 2 stocking hung there...mine and my sweet husband. How my heart ached for a child, for that mantle to be full....and year after year, after year, after year...the mantle remained lonely....~but look at it now! Beautiful! ~with room for more!!

Ah....and way up there at the top...Mama Bear, with Papa Bear and all our baby bears!! If you are wondering where in the world I got that name "Mama Bear"...well, that is what my hubby calls me.....and I now wear it very proudly, MAMA Bear!

Yesterday, the family was out running errands...went to Target for a few things....and, when at Target, the kids like to get a drink and bag of popcorn for $1! I always manage to make my way over to Starbucks for my treat (that doesn't happen that often!) of a vanilla latte....anyway, when leaving, I told the ladies, "Merry Christmas"....at first they looked a little startled...then replied, "thank you, you don't hear that much anymore"....and I thought to myself..."no, you don't"...so, I have decided that when I go out now, I will always give a "Merry Christmas"....after all, isn't that what it is, a Merry Christmas?

Happy Birthday Jesus! You are the reason for this season!

SO...here is some of our Christmas...top tree belongs to my children. I wanted the kids to have a tree of their own. This tree sits in our family room and was decorated entirely by my children. The ornaments (with the exception of some Christmas balls) are/were made by my children. Everyone makes an ornament each year. When I had this tree invisioned in my head...I wanted a tree that years from now, my children will remember making this ornament or that ornament with the 'do you remember when' conversations starting. LOL, this has already started!!! When decorating, I heard a lot of "OH! I remember this...we made this last year!" or the "Look at your picture!!" I guess you could say that our living room tree is kind of formal. We have a huge, mega, monster tree (I don't know what made me buy that big monster!) that I just couldn't deal with this year...I kill myself putting it up and taking it down each year....it is one of those pre-lit trees...and while it is new and ALL lights are working...is very pretty....our monster tree has half of the lights that have quit working...at first, I managed (with NO patience) to undo the burnt out lights and replace them with working ones....the next year, the other half of the lights quit working...I left them and put lights over them...call me lazy if you want....so this year, I 'thought' I wanted one of those aluminum trees..you know the kind that every grandma in America use to have in the 60's or 70's with the light that sat beside it that would glow green, blue, yellow and red onto the tree. Yeah, so cool...about the only place you can find those are on Ebay....we decided to get another pre-lit (yeah, but this one isn't a monster tree...it is only a 6 1/2 foot tall tree) but this one is white...I have never had a white tree before...it is very pretty and very bright! I like it!! Check out the pickle on the tree....the children have a tradition every year (I think the tradition comes from Germany). The pickle is to be hidden among the branches of the tree and the child that finds it get a extra goody for Christmas....I tend to fudge on this...I mean, I do have 5 children and if only one got the extra goody...well...let's just say that wouldn't work! Yesterday was our offical 'find the pickle day'....and yes, everyone found it! I found these little tins at Walmart for $1 that had a chocolate chip cookie inside...one daughter told me that was the best chocolate chip cookie she had ever eaten! Personally, I think her blood sugar was down! LOL! Check out the stockings on the mantle...I love looking at all those stockings! There was a time when that mantle was awful lonely....as was my heart....I had desired children for as long as I can remember....and it just didn't happen for us year after year after year...but, look at that mantle now!!! And there is room for more! Did you see the toy soldiers?? I found those at a yard sale for $3!! My oldest daughter was given the job to 'repaint' them...didn't she do a fabulous job?! Check us out up top...yep....all of us...minus the dog. This is our school picture...being a homeschool family, when the annuals come out each year, they have the families pictures in it too....which I think is really cool. It gives us an excuse each year to have our pictures taken. Don't my baby bears and Papa bear look good! If you are wondering how the name Mama Bear came about...that is what my dear husband calls me....Mama Bear. I wear that name proudly!

The Rope

A dear friend sent this to me and I just had to share:
http://www.ticz.com/homes/users/bob/The-Rope/The-Rope.htm

Christmas Favorites....

do you have any Christmas favorites? Mine would have to be the many Christmas t.v. programs....as I am typing this, I am doing so in a hurry...the Grinch comes on tonight!!! Not the movie (blech)...but, the good, old fashion, original cartoon. I love the Grinch (I always felt so sorry for that little dog), Scrooge (the original 1933 version), Rudolph, Frosty, Santa coming to town, A Christmas story (poor Ralphie)....but my all time favorite would have to be "It's a Wonderful Life"...wow, I just love that movie. I guess you could say that we have a family tradition during the holidays....we always end up on the couch and love seat...yep, all 7 of us, with our blankets...and our popcorn (you always have to have popcorn to watch a movie!) and watch these old classic shows and movies. The time has come that our teenager thinks it is a little silly...but, she still manages to come and watch with us....so maybe it isn't SO silly. After all, it IS a tradition!

Christmas memories....

Tonight, we will be having a tradition here in Bogerville..."How the Grinch Stole Christmas" is on our local t.v. channel. The original cartoon...not the movie. I have loved this program since I was a girl....and if you ask my children how long that is..they would answer, "when dinosaurs roamed the earth"! No, I am not that old. I remember thinking (while watching the Grinch) how cute and sweet that little dog was. It reminded me of our own little dog. So, the tradition goes on....my sweet husband, children and I will curl up with blankets (and no doubt...popcorn) and watch the Grinch. Last night we viewed "Dennis the Menice Christmas"...first time we had ever watched this....it was a good program with a good story behind it. My all time favorite Christmas movie is, "It's a Wonderful Life"....I love it so much that my husband bought me the DVD.... last year, we added "A Christmas Story"- isn't that the one with Christmas ghosts past and future?? If so, that is the one! The original 1933 is the only version that will do!! Oh, and who can resist "Rudolf", "Frosty", and "Santa Claus is coming to Town"? Certainly not us!! I love them all...and we try to view them all...I guess it is a sort of tradition....

I think traditions are important to the family...especially at Christmas time. Often, I find myself wondering what my children will remember about their childhood when they are adults....

We do remember what this season is really about...and it isn't the pretty Christmas trees, deorations, or any of the gifts...it is truly about our Saviour...his birth.

Family and traditions are so important to me...not so much my own family traditions...I think they kind of disappeared with the deaths of my grandparents...that kind of happens when the family has been broken....

My family...my husband and children....those traditions are SO important to me. Years ago, I thought that we would never have the family that my husband and I so desperately wanted.

How the Grinch Stole Christmas

Wow...I am blogging!!!

Wow... I am doing it....I am really doing it! Well, with the help of my teenage daughter! Why is it that when us adults (some of us adults) want to do something on the computer, we must holler (in the south, we holler) for our teenagers to help us out? I find myself 'hollering' for my daughter...a lot....like, 'help me get out of here' or 'how do I do whatever it is that I want to do' or 'how do I get this picture on here'....which I have none on here at the present (daughter must help me with that!) I guess I am what you call 'computer illiterate'......but, I do try. So....a blogging I will go...uh, er, tomorrow...after my dear daughter helps me!!